Becoming A Firefighter or Officer-----The Complete Guide to Your Badge!

Fire "Captain Bob"

 

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Firefighters

Since 100% of your score in obtaining a firefighter badge is in the oral
board, what are you missing that's keeping you from gaining that badge?

December 3, 2007

Estimated reading time 1 -2 minutes for any segment!

Thousands have been hired by using the free information from our web site and having their questions answered by phone or e-mail.

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Everything you have done up to today has prepared you for tomorrow--

Fire Captain Bob

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Please forward or recommend this FireZine to anyone you
know that wants to shorten the learning curve to get
that badge! 

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             In This Issue
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New feature: Who’s Testing

1. Quick Presentation Skills Tip

2.  Entry Level Skills Tip  

3.  Robs Corner

4.  Promotional Level Skills Tip
     (Entry level should read this too)

5.  New Badges

6.  Humor

7.  Resource Websites for Candidates

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1.      Quick Presentation Skills Tip
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Holiday Shopping: Tell friends and relatives what you want for Christmas is something to help you get a firefighter badge.  Send them to the ultimate source here!:
http://www.eatstress.com/special_offer.htm
 

New! Some of our products are now available with a payment plan.  More Here: http://www.eatstress.com/special_offer.htm

If you Suspect Something might Hold You Up in the Hiring Process, Why are you Waiting to Correct it?

First off thank you for doing what you do! You've given myself and countless others a shot at the best career on the planet through your extensive knowledge and experience. I used your info to get passed my oral for LAFD, and now I'm currently in the background process.

Here's my question for you:

I am very near-sighted, probably about a 20/60 in both eyes and LAFD requires at least 20/40 in the good eye. Does LAFD just use the standard Snellen eye chart and make you stand behind the line to check your long distance vision? Will I be DQ'd if I get to the medical eval and my long distance vision isn't up to snuff? And finally, do you recommend Lasik (which I can't afford anyways right now BTW) Tim

CB Reply: LA City can be tough on their vision tests.  Vision and any medical are handled on a department-by-department basis.

Tim; LAFD just use the standard Snellen eye chart and make you stand behind the line to check your long distance vision? 

CB: I don't know?  Call LA City and see if you can get an answer. 

Tim: Will I be DQ'd if I get to the medical eval and my long distance vision isn't up to snuff?

CB: Yes.

Tim: And finally, do you recommend Lasik (which I can't afford anyways right now BTW)

CB: If this is what could keep you from getting hired why haven't you done it already?  LA City will accept Lasik but require a 6 months wait after the procedure to evaluate the results.

The NFPA recommendation was 20/30 corrected and 20/100 uncorrected but it does get waived with soft contacts. Also FYI they did change this recommendation to 20/40 last year so you should be ok. If you have any questions check with NFPA. Also the dept. has to right to set whatever standard they want like some have 20/20 and that's it but most follow NFPA's recommendation.

I would highly recommend that you consult with NFPA's list of Fire Fighter Professional Qualifications, also known as NFPA 1001. Specifically, look at 2-2.7.1 "Eyes". The subsections may have shifted from the copy which I have, however, you should be able to download the most current information directly from the internet. If your vision is indeed uncorrectable in one eye, the challenges you will face in the pursuit of a firefighter's badge will be steep. If on the other hand, you find out through a second opinion that your vision "may" be correctable to a level acceptable to the department or agency to which you aspire to belong, then by all means, pursue those avenues.

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Check out http://www.eatstress.com  and learn how entry
level and promotional candidates are improving their interview scores up
to 15 points and nailing that badge! 

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Want Captain Bob to come speak to your group?  See
http://www.eatstress.com/seminar.htm

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2.      Entry Level Skills Tip 
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 Being a volunteer can help or destroy you!

Candidates want the opportunity to be a volunteer as a way of showing interest, gain hands on experience, have something to put on their resume and can say in their oral they have been a volunteer. Often they don’t know the culture, politics and etiquette.

You will make an impression becoming a volunteer.  Good or bad.  Because of the politics something could happen that could ruin any chances you will ever have as a firefighter.  And the big problem is you will never know what or who badmouthed you.

Even if you're testing else where, if you listed you are or were a volunteer the background investigator is going to be checking out your history with the volunteer department.  They could contact a person that will bad mouth you that will keep you from being considered.  Many volunteers, officers and chiefs of departments have tanked a whole a lot of wanna be's firefighters just because they played favorites, were jealous of their career path, couldn't make the cut trying to get a paid position themselves, lied to these candidates faces and they never knew what happened.

I’ve seen this happen far too much.  Candidates wait years trying to become a paid member of their volunteer department or candidates like yourself want to be a volunteer as a stepping stone to a full time position and they have been marked because of some incident they don’t even know about that will keep them badge less.

Here’s an example: 

I have recently run into a small bump in the road regarding the written application.  I thought I would e-mail you to see how you feel I should handle the situation. 

I am going to be honest with you.  About 2 months ago I received a written letter from the volunteer FD I have been part of for about 6 years telling me I was terminated.  I had 2 weeks to appeal the termination. I did so by the date requested and now over a month and a half later I still have not heard a word about having an appeal hearing with the department to find out specifics of what there reasoning were.  I also was terminated along with 2 other members of the department.  Up until my termination I was one of the top 5 most active guys among a group of over 50 active members.  Basically when I wasn't at work I was there drilling, taking classes, going on runs, etc.  I have had no disciplinary action taken against me prior to this other than supposedly breaking a "house rule" at one time which since was repeated by multiple members with no disciplinary action ever taken against them. 

My letter of termination stated that I was disrespectful to an officer at one point and it affected morale.  Plain and simple that’s all it states.  The other 2 guys that got terminated along with me also have letters that read identical to mine.  I have never had any disciplinary action taken against me regarding disrespect towards line officers or members so this caught me as a huge surprise.  I truly feel that the description of "disrespect of officers" is actually a difference in opinions.  Since I have been unable to have an appeal meeting with this department I do not know any specifics so I don't know what to do. 

Basically I am curious how you feel I should handle this on my applications.  I have always listed my volunteer experiences as part of my employment history as requested on most applications.  I have always taken a great deal of pride in my volunteer history as a lot of my life was dedicated to volunteering.  I am not sure how I would go about explaining this to a review panel or in an interview as I am not even sure of the specifics as the letter of termination was very generalized. 

Also, I currently have 3 jobs.  Full-time EMT/Firefighter, part-time Airport FF/EMT and part-time EMT.  At my places of employment, I have NO issues EVER.  I have a great work history and feel very comfortable saying that.  I have been employed by my full-time employer for almost 5 years now and have had a few "promotions" there as well. 

Captain, how should I handle this matter?  If you would like to know more, please ask. 

Thank you for any assistance you can provide.  Jeff Bradley

Captain Bob’s Reply:

You wrote:

I truly feel that the description of "disrespect of officers" is actually a difference in opinions.

Oh, boy, sounds like the politics of small town vollys.  Jealousy with the full time firefighter and your experience?  What were you thinking arguing your opinion?  There is no winning.  Only degrees of losing.  Is this how you're going to be when you get on a new department?  This could create some big problems when someone does a background.  These guys will trash you.

If you don't put it on your application or background file and they find it you could be immediately eliminated from the process. 

This is something that you don't bring up during an oral board unless they do.  More here: http://www.eatstress.com/fired.htm 

So how do you present this situation?  Blaming those officers could raise red flags.  It will help that you didn't realize there was a problem along with the others that were let go.  Nothing had ever been brought to your attention and nothing has ever happened like this with your other jobs or department.  

Jeff: Yes, unfortunately the politics of the small town volly house did get involved.  As far as jealousy goes, I would hate to think that was the case here as I am never one to think people are jealous of what I have worked very hard for.  As far as arguing, I wish I would have thought about it more because you are so right, there are only degrees of losing. 

As far as how I will be on a new department, ABSOLUTELY NOT.  As I previously mentioned, at my current full-time and part-time positions I have no problems what so ever with anyone.  At my full-time job I have actually had multiple promotions and at 21 was promoted to a "team leader" position.  I have been at my full time job for almost 5 years now and get along well with everyone. 

I definitely don't plan on not putting this on my application.  I will do so because I have always read the part about immediate termination from the process on the applications.  I do not plan to sit around and push blame at anyone.  This happened almost two months ago now and I haven't said a bad thing about anyone from this FD and don't plan on starting.  I honestly am not lying when I say I didn't know this was coming, nor did the other 2 guys.  Yeah there were times where some of us would have our differences, but never to the point where any disciplinary action was taken.  You can't correct a problem you really aren't aware of.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply.  I have read over the links you have sent.  If you feel there is anything else that will be of assistance in this process I would love to hear back from you. 

Jeff: Yeah there were times where some of us would have our differences, but never to the point where any disciplinary action was taken. 

CB: You probably know now this is what happened.  This should be a heads up for the future.

Jeff: You can't correct a problem you really aren't aware of. 

CB: True.  But they don't always give you that advantage.

Jeff: Yep, this is the part I’m fearing the most.  I truly hope I still have a shot at my career dreams but I just don't know anymore.  I did receive a letter from this FD Friday that my appeal hearing will be the 2nd week of December.  I do have about a half dozen active guys from this department going with me to my appeal to help support the cause.  There are guys that are still very upset about the way this has all happened and they still don't feel that its fair.  I have my fingers crossed there is still some hope with the appeal, so I guess now I have to wait and see what comes of it.  I will definitely keep you posted as to the happenings as you have been a HUGE help through all of this so far. 

I guess I may never get my dream job now due to this event in my life, but I do still appreciate all your help.  Thanks!

CB: Talk is cheap.  See who really shows up.  Be a good listener.

Here’s a new badge:

The department where I was the number one candidate my overall score was 99.65.
Dear Captain Bob-I am a 34 year old male who has been teaching physical education for 10 years before I decided to chase my true dream of becoming a firefighter.
I took my first oral board in June without the aid of your program and did not hear back form the department. It was then that a friend told me about your website. I had your gold package program sent to me 4 days before my first of four oral boards in the next 2 months and studied it 24/7.  I placed 23rd, 3rd, 2nd,and 1st!. The department where I was the number one candidate my overall score was 99.65.
On Friday, November 2nd at 2:03 pm I was called and offered employment....WOW! I could not have achieved this goal without the help of the Gold package program, it was truly the investment of a lifetime. Thank you for giving me the tools to obtain my dream job. Mark

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Holiday Shopping: Tell friends and relatives what you want for Christmas is something to help you get a firefighter badge.  Send them to the ultimate source here!:
http://www.eatstress.com/special_offer.htm

New! Some of our products are now available with a payment plan.  More Here: http://www.eatstress.com/special_offer.htm
 ==========================================
While You’re here get a 10 day test drive of selected inside secrets how to get a badge. Learn more here:

http://www.eatstress.com/testdriveintro.htm

Bottom line getting a badge is all presentation skills!

Check out http://www.eatstress.com/faq.htm for the FREE 101 Inside
Secrets How to Get a Badge!

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Ask Captain Bob any questions

E-mail Mailto:captbob@eatstress.com

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 The secret Formula to get a badge here: http://www.eatstress.com/formula.htm
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 3.     Robs Corner 
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How Long Until Hired?

I have talked to people that have tested for years and had every cert and credential in the book and didn’t get a job until they were 40. I have also talked to three guys this year that were under 20, two had EMT one didn’t, all got 100% with L.A. city on their first test.

The question really isn’t how long or how many tests you have taken. The correct question is how long and how many tests did it take someone before they went into one prepared. There is a definite learning curve in testing, the more you take the better you will get, to a point. The problem is that we don’t tell you where you did good, and were you need to improve. We give you an 86%, then you have to figure out what you did right and what needs improvement.

Everyone seems to prepare for the physical agility test, they spend years investing in being physically fit. The written test is what it is and people prepare until they are confident they can pass. But for the oral interview, that is usually 100% of you score, most guys “Wing it”. “I’ll just wait and see what they ask and answer on the fly”. Let me be clear here, no one is good at oral interviews. It is a learned skill and as such you can speed up the learning curve by preparing.

While every department has their own test, they all seem to be pretty similar. Even in other countries they ask pretty much the same stuff. I have people prepare for seven questions:

1. Tell us a little about yourself

2.Why do you want to be a firefighter?

3.What have you done to prepare for the job of firefighter?

4. Why do you want to work for this city, or agency?

5. What is customer service, and how does it affect us in the fire service?

6. What is ethnic diversity, and how does it affect us in the fire service?

7. A closing statement?

If you can go into an interview and know that you have well thought out, well planned, memorized answers to these questions, which you had memorized to the point you couldn’t forget them, you could go into the interview and be you. That is the guy that is going to get you the job. I tell people that if you went into an interview and didn’t want to work there, they would probably offer you a job, because you would be relaxed.

Being comfortable and confident in yourself, helps us be comfortable and confident in offering you this job.

By the way it took me three years and five tests. I knew everything and didn’t do to well. When I finally listened to my dad, Capt Bob, I got hired on the next test. It turned out my dad wasn’t as dumb as I thought. He seems to have gotten smarter every year I’ve gotten older.

 
Where ever you might be stuck in the hiring process from the written or video testing, physical agility CPAT, oral interview, psych interview, background, polygraph, or medical, you can find new powerful information on Captain Rob’s new web site here:  www.myfireinterview.com

 

CAPTAIN ROB (Thank you)
NRTC@SONIC.NET
http://www.myfireinerview.com  
 
For more on entry level coaching visit
http://www.myfireinterview.com/private%20coaching.htm 
 

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 4.     Promotional Level Skills Tip
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Tactical

Cal Fire and departments are using Google Earth Satellite maps as a new tool on the fire ground http://earth.google.com/   Once a size up is made and a command post established on scene a lap top computer is opened and the address of the incident is typed into google.  Instantly there’s a birds eye 360 view of the incident in real time.

How would this play out if you walked into your promotional tactical exercise opened your laptop and got the incident on the screen?   More points from the raters?

New Badge in Town!

Captain Bob, Got the badge!  Your help and following that advice was a key factor.  I have NO doubt.

Came out number 2.  I walked out of the interview process and felt like I nailed it.  The caliber of candidates was very high and I don't want to take anything away from the guy who came out number one.  Fortunately, there was more than one position immediately available.

The biggest factor in your program that helped me get the badge?  Even though this process was "unique" compared to the classic assessment center, many of the same principles applied.  EVERYTHING that was presented in your program, particularly the coaching session, helped me get the badge.  The hardest part(I don't know why), was to get myself to talk into that damn tape recorder over and over and over.  I talked into the tape recorder until I felt confident-then I had my coaching session.  WOW!  I don't know who that guy was you interviewed, because I felt much more ready than I sounded on the tape.  I listened to that tape so many times, I even downloaded it to my IPOD.  I went in with 10 times the confidence that I would have had without the program.  It really scares me to think of how I would have sounded to those on the panel if I had not had the help.

12 years, and my first opportunity at a promotion.  Candidates are separated by fractions of percentages.  If your program and coaching gave me only one tenth of a percentage point, it was worth every penny.  I think we both know it did more than that.  I do.  Got the badge.

Thanks again.  Kelly

Hi Cap, My Lt. oral was completed last month and I scored a 87.3 which was the 9th highest oral. I have never tested for Lt. and I'm a 27 year veteran of the department. I'm an old driver with 4 certifications, no formal education and frankly, not much community service. I was competing with over 60 firefighters, mostly young guys with every certification known to man and tons of formal education. All I had to sell was my experience. After answering one of the board members questions I asked her if she wanted an example and she gave me an enthusiastic YES! I used real life experience to answer almost every question. We had no opening statement (Tell me a little about yourself?) and no closing statement either. I found that a bit odd but I didn't feel like I wasted time preparing for one. It just gave me more confidence. Tape recording yourself is by far the best advise you gave me.

Even though I thought I was prepared, I was brutal! After about 10 to 20 times of practice per question, I was really getting the hang of it. One of my problems was, I found myself wandering around trying to close the question. After practicing I was closing the question with confidence and answering the questions without the umm's and ahh's. I thought I did a good job of steering the questions into my experience which is my strength. To tell you the truth, if I put a little more into it I would have scored in the 90's. Tell the guys to abuse the tape recorder. Our oral is a total of 42.5% of the total score which may be a smaller percent than some departments but it's a very significant part of the process.

There were a couple of drivers on our department who just decided to wing it. You know, the guys the Chief sends to act at other companies because he can count on their skills. They did so poorly in the oral that they quit the testing process and these guys are excellent drivers and would have been fine officers. I'll be getting my badge in about 4 months. I sort of felt like I left these guys behind. However, it is a competition and they did not prepare properly. In closing, it was money well spent.

 Thanks,

Mr. Aleck Rinaldo

Rockford Fire Department

alecky44@ameritech.net

Wait! While you're here Captain Bob wants to give you a 10 day FREE test drive of selected inside secrets how to get a promotional badge.  Learn more here: http://www.eatstress.com/promointro.htm
 

For more on our promotional program visit
http://www.eatstress.com/promo.htm


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 5.  New Badges
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Lots of New Badges!

First time out.  I'M IN!   TWO THUMBS UP! 

Got the call this afternoon. Rob

Hey Captain Bob,

I wrote to you about a year ago saying that I was offered the job.  I made it through the academy and am now recently off probation. I have learned a lot this past year and I don't want to forget those who helped me on my journey.  Your program really helped me and I tell all my friends who are still in the hunt that they should have you on their side.  So thank you very much.  (non probationary) FF/EMT Andrew  Tucson, Az

Dear Captain Bob-I am a 34 year old male who has been teaching physical education for 10 years before I decided to chase my true dream of becoming a firefighter.
I took my first oral board in June without the aid of your program and did not hear back form the department. It was then that a friend told me about your website. I had your gold package program sent to me 4 days before my first of four oral boards in the next 2 months and studied it 24/7.  I placed 23rd, 3rd, 2nd,and 1st!. The department where I was the number one candidate my overall score was 99.65.
On Friday, November 2nd at 2:03 pm I was called and offered employment....WOW! I could not have achieved this goal without the help of the Gold package program, it was truly the investment of a lifetime. Thank you for giving me the tools to obtain my dream job. Mark

I GOT THE JOB!

Dear Capt. Bob,
   
    I figured that you would be glad to know that you have given me the tools that got me the job. I ordered your gold package about 4 weeks ago. 2 weeks after reviewing the material, watching the DVD, and listening to the audio samples, I had my first interview. I walked in confident and it felt like the nuggets just flowed right off of my tongue. Using your program as a guide it was easy as it could be to formulate my own nuggets. I used a voice recorder as you suggested... made me realize so many different things about the way I answered the questions. Your program was well worth every penny. Thank you... I am starting my dream career with your help. Respectfully, Matt

Capt. Bob,Thanks a lot ! You do not know me but I have been studying your every word on firefighter oral board interviews. I had my first oral board ever the other day for my dream dept here in Maine. I nailed it to say the least. I started practicing three weeks before the interview studying questioned they might ask and talking out my answers and writing them down them i started with the tape recorder. wow I sounded like an English professor that would put people to sleep with "canned answers" I then started with your nuggets and using stories of my life in my interviews and what a change. the day before my interview I had a mock interview with chief officers on my volunteers dept and recorded that as well and had them rate me so I had to tools to work with before my interview. well in my interview i felt confident and nailed all their questions. today the chief called and offered me my dream job and i can't wait to start!!!!  I must admit when I started with the recorder it felt weird but then every free moment I had I was using and feeling better each time and getting more confident as well. Once again thanks and I still can't believe this is not a dream!

Thanks, Patrick

Capt. I have been testing for 6 years (on and off).  I wanted to let you and your son know that I just got my final offer letter as a new Firefighter. I think the parts of the program that benefited me the most was the psychological and the one on one interview with Rob. 

I appreciate all your help and guidance and will certainly refer you to others in the process. Thank you again! Scott

Greetings: Your program basically gave me a road map for what I was going to encounter. In anything you do it's a big advantage to know what's ahead, so you can adequately prepare for it.  Of course the biggest help came during the oral interview.  I walked in confident, prepared, and I nailed it!   Thank you very much! 

Thanks I have enjoyed the program.  It got me a job with Henry County ( GA).  Chris

Captain Bob, I just wanted to thank you for making your knowledge available.  You see  I have taken over twenty test this past year and a half making it to four different oral boards being in placed in the top 5.  I purchased your gold package right before my first interview when I was still in the academy.  I passed the interview but I didn't get the job because I was still in the academy and there were people with cert's who also passed.  My second  interview I know I bombed I was not ready for the medical scenario questions they asked me. The third one I actually passed and was third on the list, unfortunately so did number one and two and there was only two available positions.  The fourth one I went to was the same department  I interviewed for when i was in the academy.  I left the interview really confident that I passed three days later I received a letter telling me that I was removed from the list,  I was very confused I thought I blew it away.  So I decided to call that department to see if they could let me know why or what I said wrong.  They told me that I actually did really well but one question kicked me out.  They said that they felt like I would leave to go to a bigger department If given the opportunity which was probably true.  Lucky for me another bigger department called me in the next week for my oral board having the confidence from knowing I actually did really well on my last oral helped me out tremendously and I made sure they felt like I wanted to work there and only there the rest of my career.  Well I got the job and I start this December.  I'm not sure if you actually encourage people to contact the departments that the they don't pass the oral board with or not, but I know it really helped me out.  I'm pretty sure that in Texas any civil service department has to tell you why you were not hired very valuable information to anyone not passing an oral board.  You probably already knew this but if you didn't I thought the information would get to people who need it a lot easier through you.  thanks, Kristal

Capt Bob thank you for all your useful information packets that I bought.  Thanks for all the useful tips i received.  I finally got my dream job after four years of hard work it finally paid off.  I now am hired full time and am almost done with probation.  I recommend your work packets to anybody I know interested getting a full time fire job.  Thanks again, Brandyn T.

Dear Captain Bob, Using the free advice on your website I was able to ace my police oral board. I placed 1st out of approximately 400+ applicants. It took me two years to get here. The first time I interviewed I was just another clone candidate and ranked 104. With the advice you provided I was able to come out number 1! My academy starts in less then a month and I am very excited.  Thanks you for all of your help!  Cordially, T.G. Moore

Got the job!!!

Hello Captain Bob & Rob. My name is Randy Simpson,(from Canada)

Earlier this year I had call to order some of your material and received some coaching for your son Rob. Like so many calls you have heard before my was no different I waited to late to get help in the most important area the oral. This was my first fire interview and it was in just a few weeks, you emailed your material that night and past on Rob's contact numbers to set-up a mock oral. I didn't receive that job, however I was going to be ready for the next time, and now I had all the material I needed to get the job and wasted no time and got to work with my tape recorder. Months went on and I was DAILED !!! I was ready!!!.A call came in from a different department, and boy did every thing happen fast!!. Again my oral was in one week, this time no problem, I was ready months ago for the first time I was excited not nervesous. One week after the oral I had a medical and three days later I got the call, I had just got my dream job.

My kids,my wife,my family are very proud of what I have accomplish, and there isn't a prouder 41 year old  to said he is a Fire Fighter, this job has changed my life and you and your son have helped.

I cannot thank you enough!! Randy Simpson (Whitby Firefighter)

Captain Bob,

Well you can add another badge to your growing total.  Thank you so much for the program that you put out and the advice that you give.  I ordered the program about a year ago, after I totally bombed an interview.  I have always been a pretty quiet guy and struggled in the interviews.  After listening to your cd’s and practicing for countless hours it finally paid off late this summer when I got the call from the chief.  Trying to get a fire job has been main goal for the last 5 years, I feel like I have reached the top of the mountain.  Thanks gain for all that you do. Chris Smith

More badges here: http://eatstress.com/testbest.htm


To see how candidates have improved their position in gaining a badge
visit
http://www.eatstress.com/newpage152.htm

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Check out the current "Bonus Nugget" oral board tip
http://www.eatstress.com/bonusnugget.htm

 

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 6.     Humor

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 Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

 

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop  that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary,  and I was looking for a little something "extra" for my wife.

 

I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

 

Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed.

 

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

 

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to the Wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

 

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner with my cat, Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

 

I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for only a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

 

Am I wrong?

 

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the batteries.

 

All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded with two little bitty, itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible way!"

 

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

 

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that bad...

 

I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!

 

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and over, and over, and over again.

 

I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

 

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

 

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst" , when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!

 

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. (How did they up get there???)

 

My triceps, right thigh, and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

 

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 7. Resource Websites for Candidates: http://www.eatstress.com/hotlinks.htm


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==> SHARE YOUR TIP or STORY. Send it to captbob@eatstress.com  

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Nothing counts til you have the badge . . . Absolutely Nothing!
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Code 3 Publishing.  Fire Captain Bob Smith, Speaker, Author, Publisher
Information Products on How to Get a Badge.
Web site:  http://www.eatstress.com  Over 300 pages of helpful
information.
Phone: 888-238-3959  local 925-846-3959 Fax: 925-846-9650
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